Contact the Characters
by catsbygatsby3199
Summary: I know, I know, another letter writing fanfiction... I bet you're tired of these. However, I think Roger wants to to write. He's sharpening a stick a both ends, so I would write... listen to the sadist. All characters are welcome, but keep it T!
1. Chapter 1

** Ah, so here we have another LotF letters fanfiction. Enjoy, everyone, and don't worry, I'm keeping the guys under control. Or at least, somewhat under control. **

Jack: Why, it's my fan club! Hello there, fangirlies!

Ralph: Ugh, I'm sure I have more fangirlies than _you._

Jack: I HATE YOU.

Roger: I hate everyone.

Ralph: We know Roger… we know.

Simon: … hi…

Piggy: Hey, Simon's here! LET'S GET THE PARTY STARTED!

Roger: If you want the party to be making hats for the homeless…

Simon: That would be so nice! Wait, Ralph, do you have any yarn?

Ralph: Hey, Piggy, your ass-mar…

Piggy: What?

Ralph: IT SUCKS! AHAHAHAHAAA!

Jack: YOU GUYS. I'm TRYING TO TALK TO THE FANS! Ahem, sorry. Feel free to write anything. Questions about love, symbolism, parodies, opinions, etc. Anything. Just keep it slightly sane… we don't want Roger learning any more bad words...

Roger: WHAT THE *^&#*$ WAS THAT YOU $#*%$? YOU WERE #*^&$*#& TALKING ABOUT *($%^ ME! #*$^#*&$#*&$#&&$&%^#%^&!

Jack: … yeah.

Ralph: Plug your ears, Simon!

Simon; Okay!

Roger: HURRY #*^$* UP AND #*$&^#^&% WRITE!

**The sadist wants you to write, so I think you'd better start… or run, he's grabbing a pointed stick. Anyways, all characters are available for letters, and try not to do anything too disgusting, for all of our sakes. THANKS!**


	2. Hammsters

So, I gots to know. Are these guys into chicks or do they swing the other way? Sorry,d oesn't have much potential to be funny, but it's all I could think of XD

…

Hammsters:

Ralph: Well, I'm totally into guys. They're just so… guy-ish… you know, I like manly people, especially a certain redhead…

Jack: I'm into anyone who's totally hot, and their sex sure doesn't matter…*awkward glance at Ralph* especially my Ralphie-walphie! *hug*

Roger: You two make me sick… I'm into girls. Sick, twisted girls…

Simon: I think they're adorable, Roger, be nice! Contrary to popular belief, I do in fact like girls. Ralph's arm was just so darn soft… did you use lotion?

Ralph: Yes, actually. Bath and Body Works, sweet pea scented!

Piggy: I like girls. But girls don't like me…

Simon: Aw, of course girls like you Piggy. You're a really nice guy! *arm touch*

Piggy: Simon, are you sure you like girls? Because that was… awkward.

_**This has been interesting… I can never decide what sexual preferences these guys have XD! I always find that Piggy seemed like the guy every girl wants, just in a totally different body than they want. And Simon likes girls because he's part of my fictional character relationship that I have in my head :)**_


	3. Slideshowjazz1

Jack: I am, like, one of your biggest fans. My first actually good multichapter fic was about this girl that you made fall in love with you, because of your charm and your singing voice. Do you have a girlfriend? If you don't, can I kiss you? If you do, can I hug you?

Simon: You are, like, the most adorable thing on the planet, in my opinion! Sweet, smart, and kind! I would date you if you were my age or a little older, and if it was possible. I was very depressed when you died/ :'( Can I have a hug too?

Piggy: I totally identify with you, boy! Everyone should just stop picking on you. And I don't want to have to keep calling you by your hated nickname, so what's your real name?

Ralph: You have less fangirls than Jack, if I'm any example. I like you, but not as much as I like Jack or Simon. Also, back when my year group was studying this book, my friend Kasey did a character essay on Jack, not you (I wrote on Simon). It's OK, though, I don't hate you.

Roger: My OC Katie said that her future daughter's best friend is dating your future son. She's worried cause she said that when you were seventeen and she was fifteen, you raped her and came pretty close to killing her. Leave her alone! Oh yeah, and I hate you more than you hate me.

…

Sideshowjazz1

Jack: I'm a freewheeling guy… I never really had a "girlfriend"… but I've had lots of girls… and guys… does Ralph count as a boyfriend? Anyways, yes, I will happily give you a kiss, 'cause you're cute too… ***sideways smile***

Simon: It's okay, you can get a hug. I didn't mean to make you feel bad when I died… it wasn't Jack's fault, or Roger's. I just made a mistake. And thank you for calling me really nice, too. I'm still trying to perfect my kindness, because no one is perfect. I'm glad you like me so much… oh, and thank you for not calling me batty.

Piggy: I wish people would stop picking on me, too, but it's something we just have to deal with. It sucks, but keep pushing through it. My real name is Stephen Christopher Anderson, since you were wondering.

Ralph: Hey, it's cool. I like guys anyway. I'm glad you still like me, though. It's nice to know I have a nice body… and yes, I am still very proud of my fangilries, even though I may not like them. I just love to outshine my Jackie-wackie… who is SNOGGING WITH YOU IN THE CORNER!

Jack: Whaaat, Ralphie, you know I like other people too!

Ralph: We were going steady! ***slap***

Roger: ***mumbles an obscenity while sharpening another stick* **Not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not. I like to be kind of nasty… so thanks, girl. I would watch out, if I were you. I don't hate you at all…

_Sideshowjazz1, I completely agree with you on Simon! He's so sweet and cute! Ha, and it was rather enjoyable writing the Jack/Ralph slash in there, too. They'd make a great couple, you know… though I'm sure you and Jack would work just as well :) And Roger is… Roger._


	4. Slideshowjazz1 Letter 2

Jack: Wow...best snog EVER! I should know, on the other side of this website I kissed (and more) a certain eighties slasher villain, and I wasn't even the first on that story. Wanna meet him? If you want, I'll ask him to pay you a call..nah, he'd probably kill you the minute you start dreaming. Whatever, I was kidding. I just LOVE the "Nightmare" series!

Simon: I had to say this...I've never thought you were 'batty', or as I say, crazy. You were just different from the other boys. I'm not like other girls, so we're kind of in the same boat.

Stephen: I thought I should call you that now. You know, people pick on me for the way I talk? You know it's bad when people are looking for something to tease you with. Like years ago, these boys teased me for having small feet!

Ralph: Can I share Jack with you? I've written slash with you guys. It was kind of hot.

Roger: If you don't hate me, does that mean you want to kill me? I don't know how a sadist's mind works. Oh, and are you a masochist? If you are, I'll tell my "Nightmare" friend to pay you a call. I think you guys would have fun with your stick and his razor glove

…...

Jack: I would have to agree with you on the snog. That was quite fun… I would love to meet your eighties slasher villain friend, of course. I could take him down, even in my dreams. Because I am, of course, amazing, even while I sleep.

Simon: Really? That's not the first person who's said I'm not crazy, but the guys still like to do that around here. Is there no respect for the dead? Anyway, it's great to be different from other people. It's kind of nice being called crazy all the time too, because crazy people do have the most fun. Embrace your differences, because you're an amazing individual.

Stephen: Simon, I think we need to talk about fitting in with you. Fitting in is important too. It sucks that you're getting made fun of for how you talk, because you can't control that at all. I mean, I probably could have exercised or something, or maybe dieted. At least you don't get rocks thrown at your head for being different. But those people had better be nice to you, or we could have Roger go after them for you.

Ralph: Fine… just don't let me catch you two making out again in front of me. And that hot slash of yours, I'm most certainly going to read that. I think I can force Jack to read it, too, but he hates to read. Weird, right? I just think he should know that we were destined to be together…

Roger: Well, I like you because you have flesh that could easily tear apart. And as for being a masochist… Jack told me what that was. Get me this friend's number, we're going to have some fun together. Normally I would be into girls, but I am totally into this guy. Huh, masochist… that described my relationship with perfectly.

Simon: That wasn't anything, Roger! You tied me up against my will! I'm not into you at all!

Roger: I always _say_ I'm into girls… I guess I would just be a bi of some sort. I don't know, but hurting people is just so… arousing, you know?

_Oh my… masochist. What a new word for Roger XD. And yes, Freddy would have a lot of fun with these guys, Roger in particular. And it totally sucks that you get made fun of a lot. I do too, and guess why? My obsession with Lord of the Flies. But seriously, don't ever listen to those jerks making fun of you! You can't change how you talk, and you can think whatever you want too!_


	5. Hammsters Letter 2

Again, out of curiosity, what are your types? You know, the kind of people that you like. Cuz I write a lot of stories with Jack, Simon, or Roger and an OC, but I feel like in real life they'd be tearing each other's throats out in some cases. So? What kind of girls do you like? Ralph and Stephen can answer this too, although in Ralph's case it's what kind of guy you like. Yea

…

Hammsters,

Jack: Oh, wow, I'm not totally sure what type of girl I like. Someone who is REALLY HOT. That is a NEED out of a date, not a WANT. I guess I want someone who will always listen to me, no matter what I tell them. I like to think that I'm in control, you know? I've been told that I have a problem with that…

Simon: I don't care, as long as they're nice. If I have to make a specific decision, it would be someone really shy, like me. I get scared of loud people easily, so someone who is quiet around me. But they would still have to tell me when something is wrong.

Roger: I like girls who are innocent and crap, like Simon, so I can twist their minds a million different ways. That type of girl is so darn easy to take advantage of, it's not even funny. Girls who act like me scare me. I don't want any competition for the title of "most sadistic, devilish child."

Ralph: I like a guy who's similar to me. He has to be loyal and brave, and he wouldn't care at all that I'm a guy. I like someone with a really dry, rude sense of humor, but they can't be mean to other people all of the time. Only when they make me mad.

Stephen: I like a girl who's funny, flamboyant, and really creative. She has to be everything I want to be, so then she can help me be better at things I'm not very strong in. Normally, they don't come after me. But hopefully someday I'll get a girl to like me. I trust Simon on that one.

Simon: I know you think you don't have any girls, Piggy, but there are millions of girls out there. Billions, even. They all love you! You're famous around the world for this awesome book about the island! I like how he made me so nice I the book.

Stephen: Who wrote that? No one knew about that but us!

Simon: Will. That littlun who was insanely good at writing WHILE we were on the island.

_**I've always thought Roger to love to make people think terrible thoughts, so nice girls seem his style. And opposites attract, and Stephen seemed to realize this. And who knew William Golding was on the island?**_


	6. Azmaria 3

VHAT IS DIS? COMPETITION? I MUST CRUSH IT WITH THE HAMMER OF THOOR!

JK This is awesome. :3

Hahm... Questions...

FOR THE CHOIR. (Yes, this does not mean you Ralph. Sit down and shut up.)

How does choir practice typically go? Have you taken field trips anywhere?

Have these ended so horribly that the Internet exploded with making fun of

your fail? Have you ever gotten drunk together? If so, what do your drunken

selves act like?

That is all.

Much love ('specially to you sweetie Roger)

Azmaria 3

…

Azmaria 3,

Jack: Okay, choir practice consists of me getting the solos every single time. A lot of kids in the choir tend to NOT PAY ATTENTION *cough ROGER cough*, so I end up singing by myself most of the time.

Simon: Well, I'm not in the choir anymore, but when I was still alive, I would sing solos. Jack told me I had a good voice once. Not as good as his, though, and he decided to throw a few punches at me because I was going to take his solos from him. I would just sit there quietly most of the time, until it was time to sing.

Roger: One time, we took a field trip to Mexico. The people there kept taking pictures of us, like we were really weird. Then I realized Maurice had forgotten to put his pants on. Well, he didn't forget, but he figured he could pick up chicks that way. All he picked up was food poisoning from that one place… that ended badly.

Jack: Yeah, Maurice didn't show up for this little get together, but I felt for him. No one wants to be inside all night when they're going to their first party! Yes, we got pretty drunk and wasted. Simon didn't, but he's always been a stick in the mud. Roger was hilarious though!

Roger: Oh no, don't you dare tell them about that…

Jack: He was totally wasted, you see, and drunk and such. He was on the ground for most of the party, laughing about some kind of "event" he and Simon had had. Then he grabbed Simon and totally started –

Roger: JACK.

Jack: Fine. I guess I'll leave it to her imagination.

Simon: I would rather not talk about that… it was really scary. Roger goes full bi when he's drunk, and you know how he is with… well, stuff… there are still scars, Rog.

Roger: Shut up, both of you, before I kill you to make you quiet.

_**Heehee, Roger has some issues on where to go with his love life. I find that Mexico would be a great place for them to go, considering Maurice would be able to walk around with his shirt off and such. And Simon has a freaking good voice, or at least I think so… **_


	7. PrincesaSofia Letter

PrincesaSofia

Roger: so you love causing pain and Im a ballerina (Im really flexible)so I love feeling it. oh and I think youre attractive, So what do you think?

…

I'm thinking of many things right now… many wonderful things. I'm glad you think I'm attractive, and it's a good thing you're flexible, because it gets rather crazy with me. If you're looking for commitment, however, I would go somewhere else… unless you think you can convince me to stay… ;)

_**Thank you for the submission, Roger enjoyed it :P. **_


	8. Midnight Letter

Jack: You seem pretty cool, what was it like when you left the island? Did you ever feel like you were the one in the wrong? *blows kiss*

Ralph: Do you think that if Jack was elected first, he would have been a better leader? BTW, nice bus stop dream. You remember that strang bus leaving the station? I'm pretty sure that was your sanity.

Why did you take the blame at the end? You could have said it wasn't your fault because you tried your hardest, but I respect you more because you did what you did. You're a good guy. Did you like to hunt too? You seemed to. And aww you don't like girls. Darn. I still love you anyway!

Simon: You're so cute, but I understand why you had to die. For one thing, you knew to much. Lol.

What did you look for in a friend of potential partner? What was your family like? Did you belong to any religion while you were alive? Who's your favorite super hero? Can I have a big hug?

Roger: What were you like before you connected with your inner beast? Was there an motive behind sugesting the group voted for a chief right before Jack was about to claim it? Did you ever want to be leader? I think you would have if you never got rescued, the boys were more afraid of you.

Jack, any words on any of this?

Stephen (Piggy): I wish you weren't picked on and I understand how you feel, but dynamic between you and the other boys added to the realism of the story. A nice boy opened the door for me today; he looked just like you, specks and all. He was adorible, just like you. I hate that you couldn't even see the rock coming. *runs over and hugs him* I feel really bad about what happened to you bud.

Maurice and Robert: You guy deserve way more fangirls, so now you can add one more to your list. You're both the coolest choir boys on the island. I need double bear hugs from both of you. And while were at it, call Sam and Eric over too!

Love,

Midnight

…

Midnight,

Jack: Of COURSE I was in the wrong! Ralph was being an evil dictator and making everyone do what he said! He was strict and could never have fun! I still want to smack Ralph at times… but I will prevent myself from doing so, due to the relationship we have… sort of…

Ralph: What do you mean, _sort of_? Is there something you aren't telling me?

Jack: No, of course not! I just… nevermind.

Ralph: Okay… good. Yep, I don't like girls. My wonderful Jack is the most amazing man on the planet. Sorry to disappoint you… I suppose he would have made a better leader if he were elected first. He was jealous that I was elected. Jealousy leads to violence which leads to death. And that's how it happened. I doubted my sanity for some time, of course, but I figure I wasn't as crazy as the other guys. Especially Roger. I liked to hunt, but I figured there were more important things to do than catching pigs.

Hm. I took the blame because I felt as though it was everyone's fault, and I was responsible for everyone. If I had been a better leader, things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand.

Simon: I did know too much… I always knew a lot. I don't regret my death, or feel bad. It makes a good point on the topic of morality. People who are good always die first. As for friends, I think I try to find someone who needs help. I love to help people, you know. Um… maybe someone who's safe too, though. I don't like loud people, either. I'm scared of loud noises. My family was average. I has an older brother who was really nice and a mother and a father. My dad was a English professor and my mum was a nurse. My older brother went to a music school, so I didn't see him often. My family was Christian when I was alive, but I didn't see God as many other Christians do. I didn't see him as a being, but more as the act of spreading kindness.

My favorite superhero is Batman, and I will gladly give you a hug!

Roger: I was always connected with my inner beast. That's what I've been like since I was seven years old, when I discovered that I could fry ants with sunbeams and magnifying glasses. I don't remember much about myself before that. I knew everyone would vote for Ralph, and it's so funny to see Jack mad. His face gets all red and crinkly.

Jack: I do not get red and crinkly!

Roger: See? You just did. And I definitely wanted to be chief. If I were chief I could make Jck my slave and watch him get mad as much as I wanted. To disobey would mean torture until death.

Jack: I am not crinkly… I hate that I'm ugly. Why do you think I'm so mad about myself all of the time?

Stephen: I didn't know that there were still chivalrous people in the world today. I hope you thanked him. I was mad for a time, about what Roger did. But things are nice here with Simon, even if he isn't much for intellectual conversation. I've never understood philosophy very much. I'm glad you liked me, since not many people seemed to.

Maurice: Oh, you're my new favorite. I AM a pretty cool choir boy. Just don't tell Jack that I think I'm better. Ever. Robert, anything to add?

Robert: Well, I think I'M the best… but we won't get into this argument here. So you liked when I was a pig, huh? That's cool. I actually really enjoyed acting out like that. I'm thinking of being a theatre major.

Sam: Hey!

Eric: I like theatre!

Sam: I was about to say that!

Eric: But I said it first. Now, about giving you a hug…

Sam: Oh yes, the hug!

Eric: We're expert huggers! We've practiced.

Sam: Yeah! Wait, we have?

Eric: No! Hahahahaha

Sam: That… wasn't funny… but okay, hug time!

Bill: Wait, what about –

Robert: Go away Bill. Can't you see we're giving a hug to someone?

Bill: …

Maurice: He's kidding! Come join our hug!

_**No one likes Bill, do they… yep, I think the other choir boys needed more credit as well. They were hilarious! I always wondered where Bill went. Everyone was always asking where he was, and no one seemed to care. I think Simon would like Batman because he's a nice guy but a bad guy at the same time. Simon likes to think deeply about his superheros.**_


End file.
